Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Slowing Down At The Spa

So, recently I found myself spinning in a tornado of chaos. I know, you are probably saying, “You? Chaos?”


Well, it was the countdown to VBS. Remember my hiatus last year from the blogging world? Or one of them? It has been that time again and the final push at that. The hubby was absent for work and we had just been out for a week in Seattle. Time crunch city. Wish I had Hermione's time-turner (shout out to my HP-Geek homies!)

It is in the midst of thus that my darling seven year-old asked “Can we do a spa today?”

Of course, my busy mom answer was, “Ummmm, not today. Juuuuust a bit of stuff going on in case you missed it!”


The next day, “Can we do a spa today?”

“Seriously? Are you trying to make my head spin around? I’m not reeeally sure how we can fit that in around gymnastics and parties and decorations builds and work and…and…and…”

Because of course we do it all for the kids, right?

So, she says okay and we spun on toward our next thing.

The next day, I woke up to HUGE. BLUE. EYES. Boring a hole into my eyelids. She’s lucky I didn’t clock her. I don’t wake up well. Not proud of it, I just don’t.

“Oh, you’re awake!”


“Yes, I’m awake. May I help you?”

“Come downstairs.”

“Okay,” I grumbled in the pre-coffee, barely-rested voice that I have before ten-ish.

I went downstairs and found this:

So obviously, we, (everybody in unison) DID A SPA!

She had enlisted the middle child (the eldest was at camp) as a “Nail Specialist” and they were both gracious enough to allow me a quick coffee break.

I was handed a piece of paper as I headed for the K-Cups.

The Nail Specialist came in the kitchen and instructed, “Please get your coupon and proceed directly to the Sammie Spa.”

I took my coupon and my caffeine and headed toward the spa. Through the office.

The Nail Specialist said, “Please go around the other way, madam. And don’t forget your coupon.”

Okie Dokie.

I went the other way and was met by the owner at her “desk,” where she had placed a tablet like a check-in station.

“Are you going to be doing everything at the spa? Hair, nails, massage and lotion?” she asked.

“Yes, I think so. Can I bring my coffee?”

“Of course. Will you want to rent a cubby for your shoes?”

Seriously? Did these kids start sneaking out to spas when I wasn’t paying attention?!

“I would love a cubby.”

“That will be one extra hug.”

So, to catch you up if you didn’t read the coupon closely, the fees for this spa would be hugs and kisses. (Insert adorable awwws here).

“Yes, I would still like a cubby. Thank you.”

“So that will be one kiss and two hugs with the coupon for you, mother.”

The middle child, I mean Nail Specialist, said, “When did you start calling her mother?”

With a withering glance, the youngest said, “Today. Well, every once on a while I do it.”

I gave the hugs and kisses then looked around and had a quick question. “Why are there American Girl dolls here?”

They both looked at me like I had, in fact, just fallen off the turnip truck.

“They have free child care at the spa!”


I finished checking in and proceeded to my towel for the massage portion. The two canine family members decided to lie directly on me for the treatment.

“All dogs get massages,” said the staff masseuse (youngest kid).

“And if you don't wash your hands after the dog licks you, you have to re-register for the whole membership and repay.”

Weird rules at this spa, but I planned to wash my hands anyway.

As the massage progressed, the Nail Specialist interrupted.

“Anyone for a complimentary strawberry banana yogurt parfait? Good because we only have strawberry yogurt. Oh and can you open the banana for me?”

I did and continued to surreptitiously write down these quotes.

“The parfaits won't be fancy like Paula Deen’s,” she said. In case I thought they might be. “And they will all be different.”

“That's how our spa works. Not all the same,” said the purveyor of pampering. We're all unique!”

We each received a parfait, some with yogurt-covered raisins and some with cheerios. Each different, as promised. I had to set one aside as the waitress handed it to me because it was for the Nail Specialist and clearly, she wasn’t the Nail Specialist-she was the waitress. Not the same.

I then moved on to the nail station. Despite the fact that she had hired a Nail Specialist, the owner of the spa stepped in and took over.

“You can do my nails but I’M doing Mommy’s. I mean, this lady’s.”

I said "Let your sister help if you have a problem.”

The middle child/waitress/possible Nail Specialist says, "If you have a problem, yo! I’ll solve it, check out my hook while my DJ revolves it.”

I couldn’t make this stuff up.

As the youngest shook the polish and rolled it to mix it she said, "Shake it, shake it, to the floor, show them, show them, how you roll.”

My kids are so street.

These are the colors that were chosen for me:

Blue Wants to be a Millionaire
How I met Your Magenta
Sage in the City
Pronto Purple

“They are perfect to match the colors of VBS!” said the current nail artist. And they were.

I’m glad these two “specialists” stepped in and yanked me from the chaos tornado. Why do I do all these things? For them. Why am I a mom? Because of them. Who should I be spending time with? Them. Who reminded me of what is important? Them.


Saturday, June 8, 2013

First Class Adventure to Seattle

So I haven't blogged in a while. I got called out on it by my sweet friend so I think I will check back in. I am writing this on a flight to Seattle, obviously the best thing to do on a flight to Seattle. I probably wont get to post it until tomorrow but just writing it feels good! 

I drew the long straw and am sitting with one child-the middle child. The hubby is comfortably ensconced between the other two. 

"But Emily, aren't there six seats across?"

 Yes, yes there are. 

Kudos to Jim, a nice man who flies Lear jets for private clients and was heading North to catch his next job. He was the lucky recipient of "the magic seat".
On the aisle between All. Of. Us. 

Sorry Jim.

We have been relatively kind thus far, and he has been more than accommodating, passing milk and gum across the aisle. He even got up for our initial compulsory potty trek. Not the last one, Jim. Just sayin'.

That initial loo visit was to first class. Yup, we went there. Sorry privileged ones, I had a seven year-old with a bladder that's no match for the beverage cart and its snail pace. We had to go forward.

We were met at the door by Nurse Ratchet of the skies.

"Please do not go forward now. I can't have a line in first class!"

Yes, my two young children and I are clearly a line of rabble that would affront all behind the imposing "curtain". It really is a good thing they have that mesh curtain there. how else would they keep the likes of us from rushing forward to claim the hot towels we deserve!

So anyway, we queued up in what my kids call "second class" and made those poor people put up with our presence for at least four or five minutes. Gasp!

*I would like to point out that as we went, one at a time, past all the first class passengers, with an air of humble gratitude that they would deign to allow us to use their facilities, not one of us burped or appealed "Please sir, may I have some more?" Applaud our restraint!

In other news, we were treated to the excellent and kid-friendly flick "Beautiful Creatures." Awesome. Thanks AA for that good choice. 

"Mommy, that doesn't look appropriate." 

"You're right, it doesn't."

The nine year-old gets it!

Fortunately, the child with me chose to read most of the trip. We are in a big Harry Potter phase right now (yes!) and I am pretty stoked that, given the option of a fully-charged ipad, she chose the book. 

Tear! I'm so proud!

All of that came after we were sidelined at security. Apparently, liquids under 3.4 ounces means "non-food" liquids under 3.4 ounces. When you try to take a few GoGo Squeezes (3.2 oz. each) they flag you, make you open one, wave a litmus paper over it, add liquid to the paper, and decide if it will blow up or not. Nice. By the way, news flash, they were just applesauce, not nitroglycerin. Stand down, security!

We had prepped for this trip by installing several seasons of "Phineas and Ferb" on the iPads. The episode the middle child started off with was "Meapless in Seattle". Timely, and I highly recommend it.

In the interest of full disclosure, I am writing the rest of the blog in the rental car on our way to the hotel. I know I said I was writing on the plane-just wanted to be clear. Trust is important.

Upon landing safely in Ye Olde Seatac Airport, we disembarked and made the trek to baggage claim. We witnessed what was about to be a ridiculously cute
moment. A grandma was walking out of the gate area into baggage claim and her toddler grandson ran to her with flowers, crying, "Grandma!" only to be nearly clotheslined by a TSA agent.

"He can't cross that line! Back him up! Ma'am, gather your belongings and then cross-move out of the way!"


The joy on that baby's face should have melted anyone. Yikes!

So leaving the airport finally, we hopped in our rental minivan-because we are nothing if not cool hipsters-and drove straight to coffee! Happy happy happy!

Here are a few pics from the last day of school. They all had a great time and now we are off on our Seattle adventure! Wedding, exploring, geocaching, hanging with family. Should be awesome. Oh, and did I mention there's coffee? Bliss!

More Hijinks...